sunday dinner

i have come to realize a recent phenomena in my life and the lives of many college students now attending BYU. this phenomenon can be informally called the SUNDAY DINNER FEASTING FRENZIE PHENOMENON. i know it sounds crazy, but the fact of the matter is that this is real and its affects span not just provo but all of mormondom as we know it. now as you read the following, don't be alarmed if any of these symptoms describe your sunday behavior. i know that the truth is sometimes hard to grasp, but realization is the first step to recovery. continue taking deep breaths in and out and try not to be frightened...here are the symptoms common to most plagued by the sunday dinner feasting frenzie phenomenon:

1. early church...of course. those late saturday nights in no way allow enough sleep to be had before the alarm sounds sunday morning
2. skipping of the most important meal of the day...because the snooze button is depressed a considerable amount of times sunday morning, this results in tha "chicken running around with its head cut off" syndrome. skirts, ties, shoes, jewelry, all being flung around into disarray as the perfect sunday outfit is found...this of course leaves no time for breakfast, which incidentally is the most important meal of the day
3. sunday post-church nap...this lends back to symptom #1. due to the lack of sleep and the exhaustive nature of sunday service, the post church person is left completely exhausted. almost before the tie is completely untied and the heels completely taken off, snoring resounds loudly from the depths of every room.
4. free food...this symptom is the most confusing of all. the cause is unclear but definitely present. due to the culture of mormondom, the act of sunday dinner is usually a family affair. with that concept in mind, family, such as mothers, aunts, grandmothers, are usually involved, which further leads to the prospect of extremely good tasting, home-cooked, not-straight-from-a-box, food that the subject does not have to pay for monitarily.

as one can imagine, the cumulation of these four and sometimes more symptoms, leaves the subject ravenous, in more ways than one. the first couple symptoms lead to a "eyes bigger than the stomach" syndrome, but the concept presented in the fourth symptom suggests that the subject will continue eating, long after he/she is full...which finally results in the sunday dinner feasting frenzie phenomenon.
TREATMENT: because prevention of this phenomenon has yet to be discovered or even attempted, the best treatment to be suggested is a post-sunday dinner nap and a church movie.